Well…I guess it’s time to finally talk about this. I don’t discuss it a lot on this site, but *GASP* my wife and I lived with her parents for several years after college.
(Haters – start gathering your thoughts to share below. Just please please please spell correctly down there).
I remember about a year and a half ago when I started this site, I was literally terrified about telling people where my wife and I lived at the time. I figured my small audience would either be upset or discredit all of the ideas that I had about personal finance, so I did what most people living with their parents do: I didn’t talk about it.
It didn’t matter that we paid rent (about $500/month for a 10 x 10 room). It didn’t matter that I was the resident handy man, took out the trash, lifted E V E R Y box, cooked, cleaned, and carried my own weight. I was still scared to death to talk about it.
Living with your parents is this burning hot topic with millennials, and even though almost a third of people our age do it…it’s still taboo and frowned upon. I’ll speak more on that shortly.
I just want to get this out of the way before we go any further:
I’m not a freeloader. I’m not lazy. I don’t actually give a crap if you think I am the previous two things.
In fact, most of the people that I’ve talked to who live, or have lived, with their parents aren’t either of those things. Maybe it’s because of mainstream media or social media, who knows, but the standard image you think of when it comes to young people living with their parents is, unfortunately, something like this:
Living with your parents sucks
The most common thing I heard from other people that knew about our living situation was something like: “Well I wish I could live at my parent’s house“, or “Huh, must be nice“.
No you don’t, and no it isn’t. If you wanted to sacrifice your personal space and private life so badly to get ahead, you’d be renting a room somewhere or renting out YOUR rooms. Get out of here with that nonsense.
And no, it’s not as wonderful as you pretend to make it sound. It’s freaking hard. It puts a strain on your relationship with your parents, with your spouse, and with your friends. In our situation, there wasn’t nearly enough space for everyone. I had my clothes out in the garage for three years because I didn’t have a closet. I threw them in the dryer every morning before work so they wouldn’t smell like gasoline anymore.
Don’t get me wrong though – I don’t want sympathy from anyone. We CHOSE that lifestyle because we wanted to live better later on.
We wanted to let our peers pass us up so we could pass THEM up. $ We did $. We wanted to get ahead financially. I wanted to quit my job and become an entrepreneur (you can read more about that in a recent post I wrote for Haven Life here).
Basically – we hit our goals and then peaced out. Simple.
Some advice for millennials living with their parents:
Contribute – Whether it’s rent, paying your way, or manual labor. Do something. There is no such thing as a free ride in life, and you shouldn’t expect one.
Have a purpose – Your parents allowing you to stay in their house as an adult is a gift. Use it wisely. Pay off debt, make a career change, or save up money. Doesn’t really matter which one to me. I guarantee your parents will feel great knowing they helped you become successful.
Know when to bail – If it’s putting a strain on your relationship(s), GTFO. Family > Money. Always.
Enjoy your time with them – Life is too short. I don’t know how else to put it.
Some advice to parents living with millennials:
Set expectations – If you want rent, cool. If you just want contribution or effort, cool. Be clear about why you’re doing this and what you expect from the beginning. Don’t be a pushover.
Be understanding – This is an AWKWARD time for your kid. They probably don’t really know what to do in life or when they are going to do it. Give some helpful direction if needed but don’t be too pushy (unless they aren’t carrying their weight…then be pushy).
About Millennial Money Man
Bobby Hoyt is a former band director who paid off $40,000 of student loan debt in 18 months on his teaching salary and then left his job to run Millennial Money Man full-time. He helps other Millennials earn more through side hustles, save more through budgeting tools and apps, and pay off debt. He is a personal finance expert who has been seen on Forbes, Reuters, MarketWatch, CNBC, International Business Times, Business Insider, US News, Yahoo Finance, and many other personal finance and entrepreneurship media outlets.
Comments
The Green Swan
That is a bold move to live with your in-laws, but I applaud it. After college I lived in different cities from my parents and in-laws, but I would have considered it otherwise. It saves soooo much money for both them and you! But it does come with some potential drawbacks including strain on relationships like you noted.
As a parent, my kid is still only 2 so I haven’t thought about letting him live at home after college. But I’m sure I would with set rules and boundaries to make sure it works for everyone (including some amount of rent due).
Millennial Money Man
That’s a really common one for people that ARE willing to move in – just can’t make it work from a location standpoint. I always suggest finding roommates for people that are interested in it. It takes a pretty unique situation to live somewhere as long as we did, but we also had circumstances that most people wouldn’t have to deal with due to my wife’s father being sick.
Only 2! You have a LONG way to decide. Maybe they’ll fix the college tuition system by then? Hopefully anyways….:)
Joy
It doesn’t even save that much money, though. :/ for $75 more apiece per mo than the author paid for 100 Sq ft, my husband and I have our own 900 Sq ft place in a nice neighborhood. Feeling good independent is good for morale, and high morale propels one’s successes. Author is trying to make up for something when saying “WE DID ITTT” about “passing up” (?) his peers later on. Not buying it.
Millennial Money Man
Man this comment is so enlightening on how to become successful. Thanks for the insight.
Caitlin
I love that you were able to do that but I live in the Bay Area in California and a studio apartment here is (at the absolute lowest) $1,600. I have a masters degree and no student loans. If I could afford to move out, I would, but you can’t do that AND save money on the side here without multiple roommates. I have my own bedroom at my parents’ house so I deal with the 1 hour+ commute to and from work every day in order to save money for retirement and for a home some day. I really appreciated the author’s insight. I’m a new reader!
Elliot @ Our Growing Wealth
Quite spooky you posted this, because I added living with parents to my list of blog post ideas just before to sleep last night!
But anyway, my fiancee and I have lived with both sets of parents for a reasonable time over the last few years, but it has always been for a reason. With her parents while we saved the deposit and found the first house we bought, and then mine, while we try to sell that house and find somewhere to live in London, while also saving a lot of money. There have been pros and cons to both but at the end of the day we knew it wasn’t forever, and the financial position it allowed us to get to was definitely worth it in the long run.
Agree with your point about not freeloading though. At the end of the day our parents were doing us a huge favour.
Millennial Money Man
Hey Elliot – I just figured it’s about time I finally did a post about this. Living with my wife’s parents is something we will NEVER regret. We were able to spend time with her father before he passed, save up money, pay off debt, etc.
It’s all about the goals and the situation. If your parents are cool with you coming back temporarily, take advantage of that offer! If not, find another way to cut back on housing expenses!
Colin @ rebelwithaplan
I lived with one of my parents for about 14 months after I graduated college. It was a very emotionally exhausting and taxing period of time. My siblings and I never had a super close relationship with either of my parents. I wrote about it on The Financial Diet.
The location of where I was at along with other factors made the experience really miserable. It’s good it worked out for you and you’re wife. It’s something I like to talk about either since people automatically assume I’m lazy and/or discredit my aggressive debt payoff.
Millennial Money Man
That’s interesting – I’ll have to check that out. Must be a strange dynamic if you aren’t close. We got lucky – my wife and her parents were super close when we moved in, so it made it much easier. We honestly had a lot of fun when we lived with them, but we had to leave as soon as it started to put a strain on their relationship.
There are a TON of millennials that aren’t lazy and really contribute while living at home. I wish more people talked about it!
Ellie
I respect anyone who is willing to sacrifice to pay off their student loan debt. It is tough, but worth it to get rid of your debt as soon as possible. Great accomplishment!
Britt
We lived with my inlaws for our third year of marriage. We already owned a house, but then did Financial Peace University and decided we wanted to knock out our student loans. We rented out our house for a year, lived in the inlaws’ basement for free, and paid off the $25k we had remaining from undergrad debt. IT WAS SO WORTH IT!!!!!!! We had a uniquely awesome situation with my inlaws being easy roommates, excited to help us, and having basically a studio apartment in their basement (we live in the Midwest, where most people have finished basements), but I would really recommend it to anyone.
By the end of our 12 months there, we had paid off the loans and had almost $10k saved in our emergency fund. Shortly thereafter we got unexpectedly pregnant, and it was the best feeling to know we’d already made some sacrifices so that now we weren’t financially anxious about having a baby.
The Wedding Crashers image is definitely prevalent, which I think is doing 20-somethings such a disservice. They wouldn’t consider moving home so no one thinks of them as the Meatloaf guy! I totally understand the concern, and didn’t advertise that we lived with my in laws at the time, but now having that phase over and just reaping the benefits, I will preach it to anyone will who listen!
Millennial Money Man
I’m the same way – I tell ANYONE that has the ability to move in with their parents to try to make it work. The fact is – millennials are the first generation to graduate college with the amount of debt that we have. You’d almost be crazy to not try and cut back on housing expenses.
The other thing we really learned is that it just took a few years of sacrifice to really get ahead, just like you guys. I LOVE that you basically hacked your house and living situation. Super creative and obviously worked out really really well!
No finished basements out here in Texas unfortunately, might have made it a little more comfortable 🙂
Marcia
Hi Bobby! I want everyone to know that you both lived there to help them out and everyone that knows you both knows what great people you are.
Being 60 we have many friends that have their 20 something children living with them. I don’t see any shame in it as this is what seems to be the norm these days. It’s harder for your generation to find jobs and get up and running. So the family lives together and everyone helps each other. A couple of generations back it was the norm. Families had to live together to make it. Baby boomers were the first generation that moved out right away, so it seems we are the ones that made it the acceptable thing to do. We were so anti-establishment we just had to jump out there on our own.
I love what you said, and I hope everyone realizes there is a difference between living with family temporarily to meet a goal, and just plain not growing up and therefore taking advantage of good ‘ol mom and/or dad.
Millennial Money Man
Ha thanks Marcia! I used to try to tell people that we honestly WERE helping by living there, but people didn’t really seem to believe me. Honestly doesn’t really matter though – we feel good about what we did and it gave us a killer head-start financially.
Those are great points about baby-boomers. Almost every one that I’ve talked to just HAD to get out of their parents house as soon as they could. I guess growing up in the 60’s can have that effect. 🙂
There is a HUGE difference, and it’s so cool that there are a lot of parents out there willing to help their kids get ahead.
Pattie
Actually, a lot of our eagerness (as Boomers) to get out of our parents’ homes was linked to lifestyle issues. My dear “Greatest Generation” parents thought that unmarried daughters, regardless of age, needed to be home before 10 pm, could not have male guests in the home past that same time, and even going away overnight required a great deal of planning [often involving imaginary girlfriends with whom one was spending a weekend……) Needless to say, that sort of damper on a social life, which was very common, let folks of our generation to get the heck out, even if it meant a cruddy apartment with an air mattress and bookshelves of cinder block and raw lumber!!
Roger
My kids are 4 and 2 so I have a long way to go. If my parents lived close enough to my work, I definitely would have lived with them until I saved more for wedding and down payment for a home. Instead, I moved to downtown Toronto for work; rent for my old bachelor apartment was $650 per month. My wife and I paid for most of our wedding costs and received no financial help from our parents for our first condo that we bought four years ago. If I could go back and do it again, I would save more aggressively and get rid of OSAP faster. I learned my lesson and will pass it onto my kids as they get older. It’ll be up to them to listen. 🙂
Millennial Money Man
Haha I hope they do listen!!!! That’s probably the biggest factor for people that can’t move in with their parents – location. We were lucky to find jobs in Houston when we graduated, but we would have rented a room from someone wherever we ended up. I just hated my student loans so freaking much. I willing to do basically anything to get out of them!!!!
Honestly, $650/month is much better than what a lot of the millennials I know do. Everyone needs the big house or the nice apartment. Just chill the hell out and be poor for a little bit, you know?
[email protected]
I’m so glad to have found you! It’s awesome to find kindred spirits as I’m now coaching others to learn how to join me in the debt free lifestyle. I’ve got two young adults in college and this article was good for me to think about their future. Our goal is to get them out without debt. But things may happen that they need some help and space we have if not money. As a 30 year social worker I feel passionate about not enabling but you can help. My favorite response you’ve given was something like “chill the hell out and be poor for a little bit you know? ” ???? It’s my pet peeve that millennials think they need it all the minute they graduate etc. it’s taken me almost 25 years to get matching furniture! But now I’m debt free including my house!
Anonymous
Great thought provoking post!
No, I have never lived with my parents (except 2 summers during college) and I never could. Love ’em a bunch, but we do much better living separately – ‘nuf said.
That said, I would be more than happy to have my adult children live with me. In fact, if it is the best financial move for them, I would encourage it (as long as they are paying rent/being responsible). I can say from experience that starting off living on your own is very expensive and definitely slows financial progress early on.
Millennial Money Man
Glad you liked it!
I totally understand – I love my own parents but I’m not sure we could have made it work the same way. My wife’s parents had roommates for a lot of their adult lives, so they were pretty open to us moving in and honestly appreciated it a lot when things got tough with my wife’s dad.
That’s cool you would let them move in – I think it’s an incredible gift for the parents to do something like that for their kids. Not enough people my age appreciate how much of a sacrifice it is for the parents to basically delay some of the best times of their lives.
Valary
WOW! “Thank you”! I have been on both ends of this spectrum, ugh! When my husband and I met, we knew almost immediately we were going to get married. It took several years for that to happen because I did not want to go into a marriage with “DEBT”. My husband was self employed and I had some high medical expenses due to what seem to be a near death experience. After three years we got married. With that being said, six months after we got married we moved in with my parents. Not planned but it happened. In our minds, we could never do enough help them. Did not matter whether it was financially or physically. We just appreciated the opportunity they gave us to save some money for a down payment on a home. Jump forward 28 years, we have three young adults all out of high school and one out of college. Financially we are supporting all of them in one aspect or another and sometimes I am amazed at the lack of appreciation we get. Depending on which child it is and where they are in life , depends on the appreciation. The oldest one we have done the most for rarely shows any appreciation. The middle thanks us often but its like pulling teeth to get anything more than that, these days. The youngest is just setting out and I think reality is already setting in. We have taught them all that hard work pays off and nothing is handed to you and if it is, you go above and beyond to show how much you appreciate whats been given to you. With that being said, be appreciative to the people who help you. Tell them and show them you are grateful, it will go a long way.
Millennial Money Man
Haha you’re welcome!!!!
We were basically the same way. Super appreciative of what her parents allowed us to do, so one of my missions in life is to support my wife’s family as much as we can. I’m so glad I’m in good health right now – because self-employment is really scary when it comes to health care. I’m basically on the cheapest high-deductible plan I could find, and who knows what it will actually cover if something happens to me. That’s one reason we have been so aggressive with living below our means and saving.
Give your kids some time – they will come around. It’s not like you raised them poorly, they just need to grow up a bit more. The older I get, the more I appreciate my parents and all of the things they did for me growing up. I could have done a much better job of that right after college.
You’re right – always be appreciative. Just a better way to live 🙂
Carrie
I have to second this. My children are both grown. I don’t think people moving in with their parents realize that is often hard for the parents too.
When my oldest moved back home she was not appreciative at all. She had lived for years with roommates but when she came home she became a teenager again, leaving messes, not pitching in and waking us up at night by being loud. I know that she did not treat her roommates like this.
Millennial Money Man
Carrie – that’s such a bummer to hear. It puts a crazy amount of strain on most parents to let their kids come back. Since we’ve moved out of my in-laws house I’ve gained a MUCH better appreciation for how hard it is to have multiple “adults” under one roof. It’s a really really selfless act! Hopefully she comes around some day…
[email protected]+Cents
I love that you were brave enough to share this! There is a difference between using the ability to live with your parents as a bridge to meeting your goals versus letting it be a road to nowhere. The stigma of millennials living with their parents is more about the adult kids who do so without a plan to leave and the parents who enable them. As the parent of a college-aged kid, yes, I would let my kids live at home if needed, but most likely with a time limit (and a grace period that I will not tell them about).
Millennial Money Man
No problem! Took a while, there was no way I would have written this a year ago. I was too worried about image and other stupid crap. I’ve kinda just found that people are usually pretty cool about stuff, and haters don’t matter AT ALL.
I do think some of the blame falls on the parents unfortunately. Say what you want about a 21 year-old being an adult, but they sure don’t act like it all the time. I really believe parents have to set boundaries and make the arrangement clear if they are letting someone into their house again.
A time limit and a grace period sound totally acceptable. Hell – they’re lucky you’d offer anything haha
Bria
My parents are not financially stable, they both live with THEIR mothers. So, I chose to pay off my debt in 3 years before I turned 30 and in order to do it I knew I needed to cut out rent somehow. I’d been living in a house with a bunch of millennials in Seattle for about $350/mo for my own space with my boyfriend, including a full bathroom! But I needed that money. I took a $32,000/yr job across the country and move in with Grandma in her house in Massachusetts. I’d never lived with her before and my mom was living with her which was not ideal and it was super hard and crazy. She knew why I was there, and agreed to help me do this and only charged me $160 for rent. I stayed a total of 13 months until my brother offered me a room in his new condo for $500/mo. I accepted because by that point I’d already paid down a chunk of my loans because Grandma wasn’t charging me much at all. I stayed with my (little, more financially in debt but ‘responsible’ brother mind you) for year exactly and then GTFO to my own apartment which I pay about $720/mo for including utilities! Debt was paid off in full 6 months into living on my own. Now, I’m still there and blissfully debt-free and saving for a better future.
If you have the luxury to pay less in rent or none at all, it really is key. Give up your expensive city apartment, pay half of it to your parents and throw the rest of it consistently at your loans. It’s the only way that it keeps you sane while living with your parents.
Millennial Money Man
Bria – WOW. Wow wow wow. I barely ever get to hear about stories like yours – thanks so much for sharing it! Basically what I got out of all of that was that you freaking DID. WHAT. IT. TOOK. to get out of debt. Stories like yours are the reason that I spend so much time writing on this site.
Can’t tell you how happy I am for you being debt-free…absolutely made my day reading this! You have a great point – it IS a luxury to live with your parents after college, no matter the conditions. The people that do it are in my opinion some of the gutsiest out there.
Bria
The key is to cut the rent out in order to do this fast. But not everyone has that as an option. My parents are divorced and not very stable on their own so they both live with their mothers. I couldn’t go back with them. I was living in Seattle with my boyfriend for $350/mo for our own two rooms and full bathroom in a house with like 5 other dudes. It was amazing though. Then, I realized I was going to be 30 in like 3 years and I wanted to be done with the debt. So, I left my boyfriend there while I moved clear across the country for a $32,000/yr job to move in with Grandma, whom I’d never lived with before. Mom was there too so it was intense but Grandma only charged me $160/mo for a room in the house. I had no privacy really though, and it was really, really tough because we have different life values and opinions. However, I was able to throw what I’d already been paying in rent and then some into my loans and after 13 months I’d paid off a significant chunk of the loan and was going mad living there. Just then, my younger (Read: financially ‘responsible’ with a wife, 2 car payments, student debt and mortgage and good job) brother offered me a room in the condo he’d just bought for $500/mo so I stayed for a year and that was enough time for me to pay off even more and then GTFO. I found my own apartment for $500/mo in my old hometown in a tough neighborhood, but I pay a grand total of about $720/mo with utilities to live in a HUGE one bedroom, 2 floor apartment BY.MY.SELF. and I feel very safe there. 6 months into that change, I’m student debt free and in 6 more months I’ll have my car paid off 2 years early too!
Cutting out rent REALLY makes a difference so if you CAN live for under $500 it’s ideal ….just make sure you pay as much as possible down on your loan every month with what you’re saving because it’s the only thing that keeps you sane when you’re trying to be a grown-up living with family. 😉
Millennial Money Man
I totally agree with you – cutting down living expenses is probably the best way to pay down debt after college. It’s MUCH harder to make more money early on than it is to cut back.
Love your last thought…it seriously is the only thing that keeps you sane and makes you really feel like an adult. Also, great job on basically house hacking a few times in a row! Usually you don’t really see multiple smart moves like you made. Glad you’re finally on your own – I KNOW EXACTLY how that feels 🙂
Michelle
My mom and I recently bought a house TOGETHER. She had equity and runs her own business, but lots of my student loans in her name making it impossible to get a loan; I had no equity, my own chunk of debt, but a decent paycheck that’s pretty secure. We leveraged each other’s circumstances to get a gorgeous new construction home, my mom’s portion of my student loans (about 2/3 of the total) paid off, and a comfortable monthly housing payment for us both. I’m a homeowner at 23 and she has a retirement plan she didn’t have before. Works well for both of us, and my boyfriend doesn’t mind living under the same roof either 🙂
Millennial Money Man
WOW!!!!! That’s unbelievable! Potential blog post (seriously). Email me some time and we can make it happen!
That may be one of the more creative debt-payoff/retirement stories I’ve ever seen….congrats!
Isabella
No, I have never lived with my parents as an adult. In fact, I left home at age 18 and never went back. I have four children in their 30’s, and they too left home at age 18 to go to college and also never moved back home except for a couple short summer vacations in college. Do will all like this? You bet! I think I would go insane if my kids boomeranged home, and the last thing they wanted to do is live with their dad and me as adults. They have always been independent. They all went to outstanding universities and graduated with almost no debt. (It would take too long to share how, but the main reason is my husband and I investigated, researched etc. all options until we were blue in the face. Plus, they worked really hard.) We all get along great when we are together, but we always go back home to our own space and privacy.
Millennial Money Man
That’s freaking awesome! If there is anything I’ve learned so far, it’s that every family dynamic is different and cool in it’s own way. Sounds like they get their independence from you!!! 🙂
That’s great that they went to college with almost no debt – I’d LOVE to hear your process someday and see if it’s something I could share with my readers (if you’re cool with it). Shoot me an email sometime!
FinanceSuperhero
I lived with my parents for a very short time after graduating college — the span of a few months between graduation and landing my first job as a teacher. All in all, it wasn’t too bad, but I didn’t have much choice in the matter: I was poor!
That job led me to Illinois, while my parents lived in Michigan, so my stay at home was short-lived. Sometimes I wish I could have stayed longer for the financial benefits (my parents refused to charge me rent).
Millennial Money Man
That’s cool of your parents to not charge you rent – I’d imagine a lot of parents are like that if the stay is going to be fairly short. Thanks for sharing that man!!!
Anonymous
I find this post pretty amusing because I lived with my parents well into my twenties. After highschool I attended a local state college instead of running for the big city like my friends. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life (who really does?) but even as a young 18 year old I knew I didn’t want to throw money at something I wasn’t committed to. So I attended the local state college and even lived with my parents for a few years after graduation. They enjoyed someone coming home every night and I enjoyed having home cooked meals! Since then I have purchased my own house and started my journey towards financial independence. I just wish looking back that I understood finances better while living with them and would have thrown more money at my loans. You live, you learn.
Millennial Money Man
Yeah that’s so true – it would be nice to know all the right stuff at that age. I ALWAYS tried to pound it into my student’s heads that they should stay close to home or even LIVE at home while they went to college (I’m not sure if any of them listened to me or not on the second one).
Glad you decided to start the journey towards FI!
Frugal Millennial
Thank you for being open about the challenges of living with parents/in-laws. It’s not easy to share this when people are so quick to judge and make assumptions about your situation. You hit the nail on the head with the stereotypes about millennials who live with their parents- a lot of people picture an unemployed, lazy man-child who expects his mom to cook all of his meals and do his laundry for him. I bet that the majority of boomerang kids are not like this at all – most of the ones I know do their own cooking and cleaning, pay rent or pitch in elsewhere, and work very hard.
It’s funny because there’s this idea that millennials who live at home are so “entitled”, but it’s often the opposite. Many boomerang kids give up buying the things that they want because they realize that they don’t “deserve” to have things they can’t afford. Instead, they live frugally so that they can improve their financial situation and make smarter choices in the future. I think that this is a responsible thing to do.
Millennial Money Man
No problem! Took a while, but I got around to it 🙂
The stereotypes are unfortunate, but it seems like everything in life has some type of stereotype attached to it! Every young person I’ve known that lived with their parents after college seemed to do a pretty good job of carrying their weight, whether there was rent involved or not.
I’m with you. It is the responsible thing to do – especially if you are trying to get your finances in order while living with the ‘rents!
Daniel
Lived with the In-Laws for about 7 months total. I wanted to do this to save money on rent and instead pay off student loans. After a couple of months I realized as much as I love them, just couldn’t live with them, trying to tell me how to live, etc. So the remaining 5 months saved for a down payment instead and bought us a house. Some will argue I should have just rented and bought a house but the house motivated to work even more, so happy with my decision.
Millennial Money Man
Hey man – sounds like you did the right thing to me. The second it puts too much strain on your relationship, it’s time to bail. Like I mentioned in the post: Family > Money. Always.
Millennial Moola
I’m a big fan of temporary arrangements, say living with your parents for a couple weeks then dipping to go out and explore the world. I use my parents home as an address and home base to recharge in between international trips and they enjoy seeing me
Millennial Money Man
Ha that’s a pretty creative idea – I’m sure my parents wished they saw me more often too! (At least I hope so)
Ceresa Curtis
As a 56 year old widow my oldest son moved back in post college and it has worked out great for us. He is paying off debt and saving to get married and his “rent” is helping me fix up my old Victorian house which needed lots of work. He has a good job and works hard there and my house too. Does his own laundry and cleans up after himself. This enables me to stay in my family home while his younger brother finishes high school and get my house fixed up so I have more options later. His girlfriend lives with her parents too and they plan to pay off debt and save for a house and wedding. Both have lived on their own so its not like they never grew up. I think it is a huge win/win!
Millennial Money Man
Hey Ceresa! That sounds like a lot of the same things that my wife and I were able to do for her parents. Her father had a muscular disease, so they really needed a ton of help around the house as his disease progressed.
I’m SO glad to hear they are paying off debt and saving, you have no idea how much farther ahead they will be than all of their peers by staying put for a little bit. It IS a huge win/win!
[email protected]
It sounds like you made the best of it and it worked out for everyone. Great job!
My mom started living in an RV full time when I was in college. I never knew exactly where she was, as her location changed daily. It was a bit extreme, but it did prevent my sister and me from boomeranging back home.
Millennial Money Man
Hahaha woah that’s a dedicated strategy by your mom. …I have legitimately never heard of something like that before. Kinda sounds fun though 🙂
Pattie
When we moved 700 miles away from our home of 15 years, our then 21 year old was living with us. We did set him up in an apartment and paid off his old car….and seriously considered NOT leaving a forwarding address! It was the kick he needed, as he DID fit the stereotype of the basement dweller. Now, he is married and self supporting, but he DID need the jolt to get there!
Sprinkles
Not the most recent article to be commenting on but the blog How to Grow the Fuck Up just linked to it.
I’m a year and a bit out of college. I had a job on campus that lasted until about a year ago, and then I spend 8-9 months living at home with my parents. I didn’t pay rent, and I do feel like I somewhat fit into that “freeloader” stereotype, mostly because I was so burnt out from 16 years of school after my job ended in October that I didn’t even start working on my resume until January… I did manage to get a job back where I was on campus, and now I’m subleasing in town (mostly because my job contract didn’t line up very well with the usual leases in this college town) and have zero plans to move home again. I mean, that’s mostly because my dad’s reaction/coping mechanism/whatever to some family stuff is “be a complete asshole” but also because they also paid my rent while I was in school, so I’ve been able to save a bunch and I think I’ll be ok for a few months if it takes that long to find a new job after this one.
Oh and I don’t plan on having kids. If my brothers do, I could be the cool aunt that’s better to live with than actual parents 😉
Millennial Money Man
Haaaaa I had never heard of that site – glad you found me! I don’t judge anyone or call people living at home “freeloaders”. If parents want rent, they need to ask about it. Period.
I’m the cool uncle! It’s a good club 🙂
Sara
We have actually been talking to my mother in law about moving in with her later this year. It would give us an opportunity to sell our house and use the equity to finish our debt free journey. We would them take about a year to build a house and grow our savings substantially. It may not be the ideal situation for everyone but this will push us about 5 years ahead of schedule.
Angela Madera
Hello M$M, like what you’ve written here. I appreciate all commentary about living with parents and I can very much relate! Although I don’t think living with your parents “sucks” (I’ve just celebrated two years with them, still together, still strong :), I’m totally with you about being discrete about it. I feel like discretion is the way to go for a few reasons, one is the haters that you wrote about. People are so willing so amenable to come down and drop some not so nice commentary to tell us millennials what to do. No OK, can’t do anything about that. As sour as baby boomers are with thinking we are “lazy” and “entitled,” now that I’ve spent considerable time at home, and meeting people, I meet many people (including baby boomers) that have applauded my decision about moving home. I guess not everyone is a hater. In the end I’d say it’s just about having that inner peace for the decisions that you, me, anyone makes. Great post and very relevant about millennials!
bradley Pietrzak
I completly agree it is a gift i just got out of the military i am living with my parents and will be for 4 to 5 years till my college is done. My parents kindness is allowing me to save all of my 3k after tax income i have before I start college and ultimatly medical school. Because of them me and my gf should have amassed around 150 to 200k by the time i am done with college i plan on buying a duplex out right to leverage my income and continue to live with leverage i love my parents so much and once im out and pretty stable with my real estate investing i do plan on paying them back in a very nice way that i really hope they appreciate. I deffinatly agree about the personal space but i feel personal space they hear ecery damn conversation i have with my sweety omg that gets annoying with family is way better then getting rent for a 4 bed and renting 3 bedrooms i know who i am with. Bro i love what you do with this blog ive stopped here on numourous occasions i really with there were more people out there who wanted to get ahead because if you truly do you really can there isnt any excuse. There is sacrifice but no excuse.
cheri
I’d love like buttons ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I just hope that by my kid leaving, she learns to look back and be thankful for what she had < Never a thank you ever, just bitches about my son not taking trash out, all along her boyfriend lives in my home free and makes 15 bucks and hour and uses all my utilities and lives high we are in a multimillion dollar neighborhood, they crank music and I don't hear a thing, and not even a thank you, just complaining,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,my heart is actually broken, honestly, I run to them if they need help , or car issues, and yet again, no thank you, and then I am kind enough to say return if you want later, the new home is 4290 sq feet, amazing, ocean view,,,,,,,,,,I can't even stress enough that being too nice sucks, I have to be kinda mean, oh oh and my 22 yr old likes to yell often so they are moving out because of that too, but guess what, they never talk to him or pass him in the hallway because they live on the other end of the estate, ,,,,,,,,,,, I'm waiting for the first call about the neighbor down staris shutting a closet at 2 am, or noise, I truly believe I walked on pins and needles, as I said, if she turns her music full blast, I don't hear it on my end of the house,,,,,,,,,,,,, in an apartment one lives close to neighbors, I remember hearing people snoring and having sex and making all kinds of noise, I wish I coulda lived at home, my mom kicked us all out at age 18 PERIOD, like thrown out, so it's vital to me to give my kids a chance, and room, may I also add, I own a home outright in Arizona,,, a big 2100 sq foot home, I offered her to stay free but pay gas elec and cable if they choose it, because I go there like 3 days here and there, and I mean literally 3 days ever 6 weeks, but I guess when I mumbled that I feel used because I am cleaning my house to sell and am under pressure when a realtor is letting 35 families view it, while she does little and her boyfriend doesn't offer to sweep or do a thing, down right pissed off, . I don't know if I'm more hurt than pissed, I mind myself , I give and give and am nice, and I find being nice has only screwed me, ,, I'm so lost,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, thanks for the ear, NAMASTE
Gina
Thank you for being so real. I live with my parents still although I would LOVE to have my own space. It is tempting to jump early, but I know the more solid a grounding I can get first the better off in the long run. I jokingly told someone I could just start saying that my parents “live with me” at the point that they may want/need someone anyway. ?
Millennial Money Man
You’re welcome 🙂
Lauren Nguyen
It’s not a stigma for an Asian kid to live at home. My son lived here after college, through his 2 year teaching stint, back to school for a mechanical engineering degree, then several months until he got a job in another state. If he found something here, he would still live at home to save money. We didn’t have a formal agreement. He cooked often, helped with projects, etc. He knew that he had to help and he had to get a job. I told him I was going to retire so he needed to figure out what he wanted to do. Probably now he wouldn’t want to move back, but it enabled him to go back to school full time without a job. My daughter and her husband want to be debt free but not enough to live in our small house with us. I get that for a married couple.
Gary
I am hating my position. I am 55 and living with my mother. I have had some mental health issues (autism) which have made it hard for me.
Alex
Awesome article!! I do have to say as someone who is currently living with my parents after college it’s definitely worth it or at least considering especially for those in college debt. I had the luck of not having debt but even so still am deciding to live at home for the next year or so to save and invest as much money as possible to secure my financial future down the road. I hate the stigma of living at home as being a freeloader and I think those considering doing this after college should ignore this as long as they actively contribute. Also, it’s important to not sacrifice a good relationship with your family for money but if you can make it work, then do it. While living at home, I’ve also learned how to live frugally and keep my expenses low when possible which is a mindset that’s great to develop early when your money matters most (ex. compound interest). Also, by having free time I’m able to pursue other interests (ex. boxing, improv, starting side hustles) that I probably wouldn’t be able to do if I had my own place and had to worry about things like grocery shopping.
I’m honestly pretty satisfied with my life right now and those who graduated recently should strongly consider doing this and thoroughly weigh the pro’s and cons (pro’s being more money/free time and cons being relationship problems and less independent).
cheri
I couldn’t even finish reading, I’m so upset, not at you, I have a 6 bed, 4 bath house, I’m on one end, and there is 2 bed and a loft and bathroom upstairs on other side, my kid does hair and her bf I guess makes 15 , I didn’t know, they always cooked alone, said hello sometimes, and never sat with use ,EVER,,, even at Christmas she would come down a half hour , do gifts and leave, She cries over everything she is mad if someone is coming up the 100 foot driveway at 10pm and laughing, she is mad and complains about everything, she drives and tells me how people tell her off, ALLS I have asked for was dishes being done, well anyhow my 3500 square foot home that sits between Malibu beach and santa Barbara California ,,,,,,,, well I feel used, totally used , her boyfirned is the weak link, I am selling my home, I bought another, yet bigger 5/5 with a pool guest house, Olympic pool, tennis, I have 2 other kids at home, POTS legal, so I don’t even pry, as long as people are respectful,, I feel I’ve raised snow flakes, HER bf is scared of me she says, I proclaim he’s guilty, I have never yelled at him, I get frantic for open houses ,,,,,,,,,,,,,but this kid 27 lives here free for over 3 years, FREE water free rent, elec, cable , wifi and never thanked, a SINGLE child may I add, so she told me she’s moving wed for a small 630 sqft one bedroom upstairs in a complex,, 1625 month rent, she’s almost leaving mad, buy hey she never talked to me unless she had car issues or wanted to complain the neighbor next door ran his rv generator a long time while cleaning it, WE live on a huge lot, ever door or noise is a complaint, She says she’s bipolar, I don’t know I try so hard I have 2 other boys here age 15 and 22, my 22 yr old has friends over from time to time and all his 22 yr old friends live at home, it’s so California and a 2 bedroom is over 2k a month, renting a room is 800, anyhow I” posting before I read I hardly use the word, but I feel so USED, I feel her boyfriend should thank me for my kindness. living here free, the kid took the trash out once in awhile, I built monsters, when the apartment noise starts and kids cry and door slam and you hear fights or people talking and , oh THIS IS HER LESSON,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I told her she can come back if she ever wanted, but moving 16 miles away is far, she’s too far from work lol 16 miles, instead 12 miles is ok, I’m an upset parent, I guess reality is about to hit her, but if she wants to come back RULES,, total RULES, or enjoy being an adult, because saving that 1600 a month and me matching it to by a home after a year or two woulda been a sweet deal,
thanks for the ear folks, an upset parent in southern ca, I build a monster, it’s not but my fault, so I’m not looking for poor me,,
anonymous
Thanks for the encouragement. I’m 31 years old, unmarried, and I’ve never yet moved out. It is a blessing that my parents let me stay so I can pay off my student loans (I should be done in about a year or so), but the stigma still eats at me, especially since my parents have been SO generous to me in this way. I pay rent and help out around the house, and even buy a few extra groceries now and then. But still, taking me THIS LONG?!?! My parents repeatedly tell me that I’m not a moocher, but yet, I still feel that way. (They also do tell me to be patient.) I just wanted to say thanks for the article; it does help.
Bettering myself
I’m 23 and barely getting started on college. I live with my parents and over the past year it has become the hardest thing I’ve ever done, just to not blow up on them. My parents are pretty cool though! Super laid back! But I’m stuck and I’m not growing and my parents are keeping me from that. They absolutely love having me here and they will argue with me every time I mention moving out. Moving out would suck but I have to, just to save our relationship.