Millennial Money Man

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March 27, 2017

Should Parents Pay for College?

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Should Parents Pay for College?

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One of the most interesting experiences I had when I was teaching high school band was seeing how kids and parents handled the daunting reality of upcoming college costs.

I spent a lot of time trying to lobby to kids about the benefits of living at home to save money or attending a community college for the first two years. I'm not sure that I made too much progress there, because it always seemed like the kids (and parents) were set on a larger, more expensive university.

Honestly, I can't say that I blame them.

High schools can be a conveyor belt to student loan debt

One of the unfortunate realities of our public school systems is that you really aren't considered “successful” unless you get to one of the brand name colleges after high school. Anything else seemed to be a bit of a failure, at least in my limited experience.

Related: What I'd Teach High School Kids About Money

These kids work really hard (alright…some kids work really hard) just to be rewarded with mortgage level debt before they've even made a dime on their own.

I've mentioned this on the site multiple times before, but I routinely saw kids pushed towards college without consideration for the unbelievable rising education costs we are seeing now.

It's actually really scary. We are about to see multiple generations within the same families that hold student loan debt. Let that sink in for a bit.

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What the heck are parents supposed to do?

This is where things get a little tricky. I think the traditional idea is that parents need to provide a college education for their kids. While that sounds awesome, I'm not sure it's realistic anymore.

Before I go on, I have to acknowledge that every situation is different. Some parents have the means to pay for college up front and will, some don't think it's their responsibility, etc.

Related: The Most Important Financial Lesson for High School

All of that is fine, and what people choose to do with their kids is up to them. I don't even have kids, but I'm already worried about this for myself and other millennials.

Here are the main options for millennial parents as I see them:

1. Parents save up via a 529 plan, Roth IRA, etc. and pay for college in full

This would be awesome, and is probably what my wife and I would like to do. I *think* that my business will provide an income over coming years that will allow me to make this happen.

It's still freakishly daunting though, considering that the amount of $100,000+ student loan borrowers I talk to through M$M doesn't seem to be getting smaller. College costs are only going up as well.

2. Parents save as much as they can, and the kids cover the rest

Truth be told, this seems like the option that will happen across the majority of families that send their kids to college. This was the situation for me personally, and I'm ultra appreciative that my parents did this for me.

Unfortunately, I don't specifically use my degree anymore, but at least I made a career out of talking about it. 🙂

As much as student loans suck, they did give me an intrinsic motivation to actually do well in college. I had pretty terrible grades in high school, and an awesome GPA in college.

Just shows what being financially motivated can do I guess.

3. Kids cover the entire cost of college

After talking to a lot of M$M readers, this seems to be a pretty popular sentiment among younger parents. The reasonings can be pretty wide-ranging, but they are all valid.

The strongest argument that I see for this option is that a child's college education shouldn't keep parents from having the ability to retire.

That seems like something that a parent would never want to struggle with, but as long as we are seeing college costs continue to be at the edge of unrealistic I don't see a way around it.

Related: Why is college so expensive?

Young people also have the asset of time on their side much more so than parents, so maybe it isn't too much to ask them to cover the bill?

4. Parents guide their kid towards a college alternative

I've been VERY vocal about public schools doing a crap job of pushing trades and entrepreneurship to young adults.

Don't get me wrong, there is obviously nothing wrong with being college educated. But, there are so many other options for gainful employment that have nothing to do with four years of accruing student loan debt.

I personally believe that we've seen the pendulum swing towards college degrees a little too far, and as more students that have parents with student loans enter the workforce we'll see a swing back towards trades and entrepreneurship.

There isn't an easy answer (unless you have a lot of money)

And even still, it's probably a really tough call. I think the best thing we can do is pick a path, stick with it, and hope for the best at this point.

Like I mentioned earlier in this post, I'm going to try as hard as I can to pay in full for college, but also teach my kids that it isn't the only way to be successful.

Live differently. Your bank accounts will thank me later. ~M$M

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Comments

  1. You forgot to mention the extreme pressures that the high schools, particularly high school guidance counselors, put on students to go to Ivy League schools. I’m guessing because that reflects well on the high schools. They told my kids not to worry about the expense, that everybody took out loans. I told my kids when the guidance counselor was willing to write the check… p. s. All 3 graduated with $0 debt from private schools thanks to some from us and scholarships. It can be done

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    • Haha yeah I really wish that the college cost aspect of the decision was a bigger deal. I feel like it’s not right to push college for 7-8 years and then not require continuing personal finance classes (or at least something substantial).

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  2. I think parents should honor whatever commitment they make. Don’t promise your child you will pay for college then change your mind when they graduate high school (that is what happened to me). I started 529 plans for all 3 of my children shortly after they were born. I have no disillusion that I can cover 100% of the cost but they all know that Dad is going to pitch in. It will be a group effort between myself and my kids. If they do not put in the effort then I will have a very large boat named “529 Plan”.

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  3. If parents can pay for college without jeopardizing their own retirement plans that’s great! However parents should take care of their own finances before taking on loans for their kids.

    I paid for my own education but while borrowing I was astute to the idea that I needed to earn a return on my college investment, i.e. I had to be sure I left college with a job paying much more than I could earn right out of high school.

    Although paying back loans was not fun, it certainly forced me to make better decisions with money. Student that borrow can still win with money they’ll just have to focus on cleaning up those debts first.

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    • Yes I definitely agree that parents should protect their retirement plans. A lot of baby boomers probably were caught off guard by college costs I would imagine. It’s just so expensive.

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  4. My parents went with option 2 for my education and I think it worked out well. I graduated undergrad with enough loans to feel responsible but small enough not to feel trapped. I worked throughout college, but I didn’t have to work a ton of hours to the detriment of my studying. It was a pretty good balance overall.

    (Although I then went and blew it all up by going to law school and paying for the whole thing with loans…but that’s not my parents’ fault.)

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  5. Totally agree, there’s not a blanket or simple answer to this question.

    I’m in California, and my parents did not have significant extra income or savings. Here in CA, we have the “Cal Grant,’ significant funding (if your family is deemed poor enough by the govt) to go to an in-state school. As I was applying, I picked two private schools I would have liked to go to and a local state school in case we didn’t qualify for the Cal Grant. Thankfully, we qualified, and I went to my first choice school. I can remember signing the student loan paperwork, and even though I had a decent understanding of personal finance and not spending more than you earn, it wasn’t thoroughly explained to me of “you ae responsible to pay this back regardless of whether or not you graduate or have a job at the end of this.” I was SO fortunate to graduate in four years, with a great job, and with only $14K in student loan back in 2006. I paid of my loans in 2010. I graduated with others who sadly are still paying on their student loans.

    So even though I went the college route, I talk up the trade school / blue collar work route whenever I can. I saw too many friends who shouldn’t have gone to college. Smart people, but not classroom people. But they were pushed to be able to get a “good job.” I respect the plumber I call over to my house to unclog our drains just as much as I respect the senior partner in our firm.

    As far as paying for it, I do think there is one blanket answer: put personal finance classes back into mandatory high school curricula. If we just get students thinking about the costs, hopefully they can make more educated decisions.

    Baby #1 is on the way for us (due in Sept!), and we plan to open a 529 plan because we have the financial means to do so. We don’t plan to promise to pay for all of college, but to have something to contribute to give our kids options. But our first priority is retirement, to make sure our kids don’t have to take care of us in their adult years.

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    • Hey, Carl,
      I agree with you that we need to have personal finance taught in high school, maybe with a sexy name to get the attention & interest of the students, lol. Love your idea! But I think the curriculum should focus on how to live debt free – too many courses encourage people to build and protect their credit scores, when in reality the FICO score is just an “I love debt score” as Dave Ramsey says.
      Congratulations on Baby #1, how exciting! 🙂

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  6. I got some financial help here and there.. but most of the cost was covered by student loans. I am close to paying it off after 10 years. It was delayed due to living in a big city by myself, then paying for a modest wedding, then saving up for a down payment and buying our own place, followed by having kids and moving again for a larger place. In a way, I wished my parents had supported me a little bit more so I could have graduated with less debt. However, it’s partly my fault for moving away from home to go to university and spending more than I should have during those years. I learned my lesson the hard way and I’ll be sure to pass the lesson to my kids.
    Having said that, I am contributing to RESP (Canada) and it should cover one or two years of their post secondary years. If they don’t use it, then it’ll go to my retirement fund.

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  7. I am the child of two parents who never went to college(they were 17 and 21 when they had me). They presented college as non negotiable but unfortunately didn’t have the means or foresight to start saving for me or my sisters. Fortunately I got good grades and got a great scholarship that covered a significant portion of the costs, but still took out loans. I am slowly paying them off but I wish my parents had known the options out there and the costs it was new to all of us. I think high schools especially need to do a better job of working with students and families to know what it means and costs to go to school. If I had to do it over again I would have stayed at a community college and worked more during college to pay for school.

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  8. Although I was supremely spoiled and my parents paid for 95% of my education (and supported me during school), I don’t think parents need to support their kids for college. It’s a personal decision, and either way the parents are entitled. Not all people even have the ability to support their kids’ higher education.

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  9. I don’t think parents should be expected to pay for college – regardless of income. I paid entirely for my education (because my parents didn’t have the means to help) and I worked my a$$ off because of it.

    We’re saving in a 529 plan to foot the entirety of our daughte’rs education, but I don’t know if that will be a help or a hindrance. Time will tell.

    We’re also not planning on telling her we have a dime saved college. We want her to think it’ll be on her. Cruel? Maybe. Will she work harder? Probably 🙂

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  10. I’ll likely pay half my kids college costs, assuming they go. I think the key here is to have a good calculation of what you think the costs will be. Many people just figure they’ll put “as much as they can” in college savings because they aren’t really sure how to do the calculations, or they do them and they’re preposterously high.
    I personally didn’t receive any help from my parents at all and it made me work incredibly hard, plus find additional scholarships, etc. I made it through to my master’s degree with only $8,500 in debt. Not too bad I think.

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  11. I’m of the mind that if parents can help, then please do because today’s costs are nothing like the costs of the 80s and 90s. I grew up low-income and put myself through college, and even with lower tuition I still remember the stress of the constant money worry even with financial aid. I also didn’t know what I didn’t know, and didn’t allow myself to think a little larger because I was always so broke. We are now substantially helping our daughter in college while also requiring her to pay all travel home, personal, and books, plus a contribution toward tuition. She is living tightly and working to do it.

    But we’re also trying to teach her the balance between investing in yourself (i.e, taking a small loan to ease the burden) and choosing not to do something because it means going above your means. That is a tricky balance. She hates debt, and so do we, but, but a small amount can open up a world otherwise not available to you — like study abroad or an unpaid internship.

    I also think while it’s paramount that parents fund their retirement, it’s not so critical to have that new car or as many expensive activities as kids have these days. Many people live in the moment and then can’t figure out why there’s no money to help with college — and I’m not talking about people earning $60,000. I mean people earning a good income who can’t figure out how to live modestly but also expect their kids to to go college and then freak out senior year when they realize how much college costs. Parents absolutely need to do their homework, especially as kids move toward middle school. If families value higher ed (I do), then plan for it as much as possible and scrimp early. And as another commenter here said, don’t change your mind at the last minute and withdraw any offer. That is a heartbreak. And yes, absolutely look at alternative paths for education if a student isn’t drawn to college.

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    • Lots of wisdom in this comment – thank you! I agree that loans can have great value if they open new doors and opportunities for you to make money later down the road. I also agree with the comment on parents needing to do their homework so they don’t get blind-sided!

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  12. This is probably the first time I’ve ever commented on one of these sites but I felt I needed to. I really appreciate your advice. I am only a few days into reading your site (I saw your ad on Facebook).

    I went to a community college before transferring to a bigger University and I must say it was a really difficult decision. I just recently started telling other people I went to a community college before starting at a University (I was embarrassed to admit it. I am 27. It took me 5 years to buck up and realize it was awesome that I went to a community college first). The best part of going to a community college (and I thank my younger self for this) is that I am debt free and started a side hustle (flipping houses) with the money I am not busy putting towards student loans.

    While I don’t have my community college on my resume, I really think employers wouldn’t care whether it was a big university or not. At my age (I feel old saying that), I think they care more about experience then the big university names.

    Thanks Again for all These Posts. Have you ever thought about blogging on net worth and the benefit of tracking it? Personal Capital is a pretty great site but I know I’ve had to explain net worth to a few of my friends (I have an accounting degree) for them to understand it can be a great thing to track.

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  13. I don’t think that parents SHOULD pay for college costs. if they want to, sure go right ahead but they don’t need to if they’d rather have a good retirement.

    We have decided to partly fund each of our kids (3kids) education though. We have set up their 529s and will be contributing max of 30k in each account by the time each of them reach 6 years old. With that amount, our hope is that it’ll be roughly $80k by the time they’re in school. And they can cover the rest of their schooling. They need to learn responsibility by paying part of THEIR education.

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  14. Both my wife and I were very blessed when it came to student loans.

    We both went to a community college our first two years. I was able to pay my way through and Brittany’s family income was low enough that financial aid paid for everything.

    We both went to a state school which was significantly lower in cost than private schools.

    Looking back we did not even realize how important those decisions were that we made. If we got accepted into private schools we probably would have went, being naive and all.

    We both highly recommend knocking out your associates at a community college and living at home. That alone can save you well over $50,000 off your student loans if you went to a private school instead.

    Lot’s of options out there, being well informed is so important. Your deferentially doing your part to help others out.

    As far as our kids. We plan on opening up a separate account in Betterment and having automatic deposits added each month. That way we are saving for a college fund and also putting our money to work. A true win win.

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  15. Love love love this. It can’t be said enough. My wife and I have tons of friends who are coming out with $100K + in student loans with starting salaries of less than $60K… It just doesn’t make any freaking sense.

    We need more people tackling these tough issues. Thanks for sharing dude.

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  16. I think parents who can afford to save should at least try and save for some of the cost. If you start a 529 when they are really little, it doesn’t take much to add up to a decent sum. Options like community college for the first few years should really be considered if there isn’t money saved. No money saved =no private school. The rising cost of college is staggering.

    I have one kid and a 529 plan. My wife and i make good money. If we had a 2nd kid it would radically change our plan. saving for one seems not that bad. Saving for two seems really hard.

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  17. I have a 1 year old and this has definitely been a discussion for me and my wife. We have come up with a 529 to help pay for post high school education. While we would both prefer our son to go to college, there are a myriad of other options as well that we value.

    We will stress scholarships and working hard in school to lower the cost of college. We save extra where we can to help with costs but will probably not have a $100,000 529 plan. Hopefully teaching the value of education and hard work will help also.

    Lastly, don’t forget about ‘crowdfunding’ a 529 plan. Our grandparents and family love to give to our plan instead of buying a toy that our little one will only play with for 5 minutes. It was an awesome way to jump start our savings!

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  18. I was a first generation college grad. When I started college in 1987 my parents were broke. We qualified as a “full need” family and all the federal and state grants available at the time. I took $3,500 per year in student loans and had to pay roughly $1,500 per year out of pocket which required me to work two summer jobs each year to cover. An on campus work study job allowed me to earn money for books and spending money. My parents couldn’t contribute anything to my education.
    My son is currently a sophomore in college. I didn’t want him to struggle the way I did but I also wanted him to have skin in the game as I did. He’s borrowing $5,000 per year and earning $2,000 per summer that he gives me to pay his portion of the bill. I am paying $20,000 annually. He’s a great student and majoring in computer science at a school that is considered exceptional in that field. I’m confident he will get a job out of college with a relatively high starting salary. I am maxing out my 403b and Roth IRA so I’m not paying for college at the expense of my retirement. Had I not unburdened myself of all debt (including mortgage) 2 years ago I would have never been able to cover his college costs. As with everything else, self discipline allows you to put yourself in position to help others as well as yourself.
    @millionaireby55
    MB55

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  19. I am so thankful that I was able to graduate without debt. I got a lot of scholarships and my parents were able to cover the rest. My husband graduated with some debt, but it was manageable and we were able to pay it off in a reasonable amount of time.

    I have two kids, ages 7 and 9, and we have been saving in a 529 since they were babies. Unless we dramatically change our savings rate, it will not come close to covering all of it. It is especially hard with kids close in age because they will likely be attending college at the same time. The plan is to have our home paid off before the kids are in college and increase our income so that it will be possible to cash-flow the rest of the cost.

    We will also be encouraging some “alternate path” ideas. I agree that going to a community college for 2 years is a great plan, but feels like a bit of a failure. It also feels like I wouldn’t be giving my kids the “college experience” that I got.

    One alternative that I like is college classes during high school. In Ohio, high school students can take courses from any public institution COMPLETELY FREE. It’s one of those programs that isn’t fully understood by many people and is actively discouraged by many of the schools because it costs the school district money. I think it would be wonderful to graduate from high school with 1-2 years of college already done at no cost!

    Anyway, great post. It’s definitely something we all need to be talking about!

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  20. Thanks for another great post, Bobby.

    As someone who took out student loans but fortunately came around and kicked in gear after 8 years removed from college to pay off the remaining $20k in one year, I have realized how important it is (to me personally) to fund college education for children to give them a head start in their adult life. Also, related to another topic that you like to write about, I have realized that by buying used cars with 40-50k miles on them and driving them for 10-12 years (fortunately cars don’t appeal to me so I don’t feel like I am giving anything up) I can feasibly sock away $250-300 a month from birth to 18 with a high probability that I will have enough to pay for 100% of their college. Additionally, carrying a $150k mortgage when we would qualify for $400k+ helps in this regard.

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  21. My parents decided they would pay for our first and last year of school which really pushed us to graduate early to have less student loans (me 3.5 years, my sis, 3 years counting post secondary). Luckily we graduated back when student loan rates were at historic lows so payments were manageable as well as the amount of debt from going to a state school. Now that I have two children honestly my husband and I will push for state schools/community colleges or trades . . .and we are focusing on being financially responsible /debt free ourselves so maybe we can help them with college costs in the future. It’s like putting your oxygen mask on first on a plane before helping others. Or maybe the grandparents can help too lol!

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  22. You failed to mention the GI Bill. The service may not be right for everyone, but it can be a great opportunity to mature, and fully fund college.

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  23. My parents gave me #1, and I am going to pay that forward to my kids (they did it for 4 kids! 3 of us were in school for one year).
    So I started a 529 for both of my kids ASAP (it takes a little while to get things like SSN’s and birth certificates). And because I joined the National Guard later in life I didn’t use the Post 9/11 GI Benefits that I eared for my vacation to SW Asia. I am stuck with the military for 2.5 more years to transfer those benefits but it works out well for them (60% of college tuition, Books and BAH for 2 years for each of them (I split it evenly). And it may go up if I get deployed again before I can retire in 8 years.

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  24. My parents would have been willing and glad to but they were (and are) down and out financially due to some mistakes made early on in their real estate investing. I ended up getting a full time job when I was 18 with a company that offered tuition reimbursement. I paid for what I needed to, enrolled in the program at 19, and worked through my bachelors. Not for everyone, but it is a heck of a way to avoid student debt, and keep the cash you are making from your job to invest. It is also way more common than a lot of people realize. At Starbucks, you can get your full tuition paid for. Even McDonalds has a pretty great program; you could fully fund your education going to a community college working for them. Its everywhere!

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  25. My husband and I just had an argument about this last week. LOL We are on opposite sides of the spectrum on this issue so we need to find some common ground.

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  26. My college experience was probably very different from most. I always commuted to my school, and therefore had a significantly different social life than most of my peers. I got some help with paying for college, and i attended a top state school where tuition was significantly cheaper than a private institution, but i was still left with a significant gap between what i needed to succeed in school, and what could be provided for me. I worked a part time job, that was great with working around my busy schedule, as well as picking up any other smaller side gigs for extra cash. through doing all of this i was able to leave college not only with all my tuition paid off, but more in savings than almost all of my friends, because i spent less time socializing so that i could make sure there was always food for me.

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  27. My parents helped us a little here and there throughout college but my brother and I both had to take out student loans. Our parents said that they would pay them back once we graduated. Fast forward 16 years (my loans have been paid off by me) and my parents did not pay off our loans….until my dad retired. At that time, my dad wrote each of us a lump sum check. My monthly student loan payments were not that outrageous and I could have paid them off faster than I did (but did not). However, getting that lump sum amount years later after my student loan debt is gone, (2 kids later) and a house that could use some updating surely seems like a jackpot in our books. We were able to get a few things done around the house as well as stash some away in savings.

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  28. My dad died when I was 12 and​ we were poor after that, so I got need based grants and loans. When I was 38, I went back to school for my Master’s degree, taking as many classes as I could handle with a full time job and 2 kids and paid as I went. We didn’t pay for our 2 kids but bought them each a car and paid for gas and groceries. We raised them with the expectation of getting a scholarship because they were smart enough to do so. Also, their dad was almost 60 in a physical labor job and Suze Orman says kids can borrow for college, but you can’t borrow for retirement.

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  29. I’m in college now and it’s interesting to hear my friends talk about how they’re paying for college. Personally, I’m really lucky in that my parents pay for all of my school costs and rent. I work two jobs during school for food & gas & miscellaneous expenses. In Georgia, we have Zell Miller scholarship which covers 100% of tuition so my parents are only paying for the fees and my rent. It ends up being about $6,000 a semester so it’s not too terrible considering other schools.
    I was able to take college classes during high school for completely free (paid for by a state grant) and I finished my freshman year before I even graduated high school. So I will be able to get my bachelors and masters in a time span of 5 years, which saves a years worth of expenses, tuition, rent, etc.

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  30. My husband and I are both in our mid thirties and have a daughter who is 15, we are steering her towards a smaller public university, it’s part of the Texas A&M system but a fraction of the price of A&M. She is interested in health sciences and they have a great program, and she actually has a shot of getting at least some academic scholarship money due to the schools size. She makes excellent grades but we simply don’t have the money to send her and pay for it all. I am still paying on my student loans (almost done) and my husband is still finishing his degree. What’s I interesting is that I don’t even use my English education. I went back to a community college to get my nursing degree (associates) and my husband is a fireman, also a community college, and he is getting his Bachelor’s degree covered through tuition reimbursement at work. The FD also paid for his paramedic schooling as well. He dropped out of college at 20 against all adult advice to pursue his fire certifications–he now earns a great income, has good insurance, and a great retirement. I also worked at the hospital during nursing school and received tuition reimbursement. I wish people were made more aware of these options, they are everywhere if you look for them. I wish I would have known about them at 18. We have made sure to explain to our daughter that she doesn’t have to go off and have the “college experience” at America’s most expensive colleges. We will do our best to help cover as much of the cost as we can for her and will definitely help her look into alternative options if the expense is too much.

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  31. What a wonderful discussion to have. I am a first generation college graduate (2005) with my BSW and only in my family to date to earn my Masters degree (2007). I was raised by a single mom who made less than $30k a year at max and my dad was absent and uninvolved. My brother and I were always told that college was non negotiable, but that we were adults at 18 and expected to be on our own financially. This was not a surprise as we went through high school and therefore we had a taste of real life while balancing work, sports, clubs, schools, and paying for our own cars maintenance, gas, insurance, cell phones, and personal expenses during high school. I think this was the key that helped me in college to not over borrow or overspend. I moved away to college with $2,000 cash (from my graduation party an combined with savings). I worked 3 part time jobs that equaled more than 40 hours a week through college, and completed my Bachelors program in 4 years, and had fun! I borrowed $18k total and always only borrowed exactly what I needed to get by. The loan companies and the college always offered way more than what I needed, and I always would decline and take out only what was needed. I would save money any way I could. I knew that I could save $400 on a an annual parking pass by parking a mile off campus and walking. I knew that I could save money by being the first to rush to the library after the course book list came out, to check out the only reserved copy of the class text book. I discovered many other ways to save as well. I was able to graduate and pay off my undergrad and grad loans in less than 7 years after graduation. I am proud of myself as I hear of my friends that were not diligent and borrowed way more and now have more debt than what they will ever be able to afford. I have had the college money discussion with my close friends who were my roommates and everyone’s situation was different. Some were in my situation, some parents paid 100%, some paid for classes only, some borrowed money from parents interest free, etc. If my husband and I have kids (his parents paid for his college 100%, but he was forced to work part time for his play expenses), we have decided that they will pay 100% for their living expenses and extracurricular expenses and we will pay for as much as we can for classes only. I think the key is preparation for real world and I was prepared at an early age of real world costs and the value of a dollar. My husband and I are now starting the shift to the minimalist lifestyle and are 5 months in. I appreciate your blog as it is an important topic to discuss. We can all learn from each other. 😉

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  32. I always discuss the same things with my students. I teach high school science and I always talk to students about living at home to save on costs as well as going to junior college first then transferring to a four year. I try to let them know that there are tons of options out there besides being the “traditional college student”. Often times, students get hung up on where everyone else in their class is going, rather than being practicle about their future. I often share our story of how my husband and I got thru school by living at home and working our way through. I also try to share stories of living a debt free life to get them to think about money. We love reading your posts!

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