Sometimes it's a good thing to be late to the party. Like…REALLY late. I feel like I've been late to the party for the last 5 years since college, and it's been one of the best things that ever happened to me. I let ALL of my friends pass me up in one way or the other.
Before I go on, if you're a friend and you are reading this…try not to take this personally. If I filtered everything I wrote so I wouldn't offend anyone, this site wouldn't exist and I wouldn't be able to help people with their student loans or money in general!
Let's get to it. I want to talk about letting your friends pass you up.
A lot of people know my story of paying off student loans, and then quitting my job to run a website that made no money. However, I've had a pretty large influx of new readers lately, so it doesn't hurt much to catch everyone up.
My wife and I lived way below our means after college, and continue to do so every month. In my little circle of personal friends, I don't know anyone else that waited to “get their life started” as much as we have:
We never bought new cars.
We haven't bought a house.
We rented a room from my wife's parents for years.
We didn't take a real “vacation” until our honeymoon.
We don't have kids (thank God).
We hold on to our money like someone is trying to take it away from us.
We freak out if we aren't setting aside $3,000+ a month.
I think a lot of people looked at our relationship from the outside over the years and either A) felt sorry for us or B) thought we were crazy money-hoarders.
The second one may be true, but we stopped giving a $hit about what people thought a long time ago. Our relationship is awesome, we have money in the bank, and our future is bright. We sacrificed a lot to get here, but we aren't even CLOSE to where we want to be yet. We'll keep going till we're rich or die trying.
Every interview I've done, whether it's a podcast, radio show, or a reporter talking to me; they always light up when I tell them our secret to success was “letting our friends pass us up”.
“Simple, sound advice,” they say! It sounds like such an easy thing to do, right? Unfortunately, it's really freaking hard. We (millennials) grew up our entire lives being told we deserve everything. We were always equal to our peers, even if we sucked at something and they were awesome at it.
The ribbons and trophies just looked a little different.
Swallow your pride
Keeping up with your friends is something we were all taught from an early age. You essentially compete for your place in both high school and college with GPA's, class ranks, and sports. It only makes sense that you would want to do the same when you become “successful”.
Here's the rub: your friends will all mess up financially. Companies spend BILLIONS on advertising to influence our decisions. Most of your peers will give into that force unknowingly and be financially finished before they started. They'll end up with two car payments and a mortgage almost instantly.
If you ignore your inner drive to keep up, you'll fall behind…but only for a little bit. Trust me.
Forget the norms
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that we need to have kids by now, I'd fold this site like a cheap lawn chair and move to the Bahamas.
Kids are expensive, and just because society tells you that you need to have them right away doesn't mean you have to listen. Or, if you have kids, you don't NEED the new minivan that you see in the commercials. If you aren't ready for the responsibilities and additional costs of a house (read mortgage), then rent and feel good about it.
Your friends with a mortgage mistakenly think they are the kings and queens of personal finance because someone let them borrow a bunch of money – but they don't take into account that most of that monthly payment is actually going to taxes, interest, and insurance for the next 15 years. Add that on top of the costs associated with fixing your house when stuff breaks, and you've got a recipe for paycheck to paycheck.
YOU decide what it right for you and your money, not your friends or greedy dudes in suits.
Keep it to yourself
This one is a little tough for us because our life is pretty much out there in the wide open (by choice obviously), but don't go bragging to your friends when you fly by them with your money after a few years of sacrificing. I take a lot of risk in offending my friends and peers often, but I help more people than I hurt so I live with it.
Lay low, hoard your cash, and don't EVER try to keep up with people that suck at money.
Very good points about challenging the norm, your bank accounts will definitely thank you later!
It’s worked so far! 🙂
Man this was one of your best articles I have read! As a young millennial I feel your pain but also emulate some of the things you have done. This week was graduation week at my university which meant 5 nights out at the bars and what not. I think I only did one night because I simply did not want to spend $200 for the week like some of my friends. We may be seen as boring, money freaks (I don’t mind that) or weird (highly unlikely because we are awesome right?) but I rather be safe financially. I enjoyed this post 🙂 looking forward to your next podcast as well, hopefully I can catch you live I have only seen the re-runs.
Glad you liked it! Sometimes I like to just sit down and write about stuff without a topic and then find a name for it later – kinda has more emotion to it or whatever. A lot of times those are my favorite ones 🙂
Great post!! You don’t know how many times I’ve heard “You should have kids by now”, “Stop renting its wasting money”, “You have a V6 engine? You should’ve got a V8”. Glad I don’t care what other people think lol I rather follow my own path and have kids, buy a home or make any other life changing decisions when I’m ready financially.
Yeah! I probably do know unfortunately – we get that stuff constantly. I think people get offended that we haven’t had kids because the cost or bought a house because we don’t feel like we’re ready for the burden quite yet. I’ve found in this business that usually people who are doing things differently than the norm tend to offend people that have already gone with the herd and are “trapped” so to speak.
Misery loves company. I love it when my friends say I am not getting younger and my biological clock is ticking really fast. We should have kids. They will take care of you when you get old. My friends have bunch of kids and they think my husband and I are a couple of freaks and weirds because we don’t have kids, we don’t have mortgage payment,no car payment, no iphones (we have smart phones and they cost less than $100, no mac computers, don’t buy anything designer. My friends are always complaining about being broke but they are going on a cruise, buying their favorite brand new cars and posting their latest shopping acquisition on facebook. If this istheir idea about being broke, then I don’t want to be like them. I work hard making barely above the minimum wage and I don’t want to be in debt. That is why I have a goodnight sleep always because debts make you lose a lot of sleep.
This was a great article. One of the great things about money is that there is no “one” way to become financially successful. There are multiple of ways of getting there even and that’s really okay. I think your point about not keeping up is a strong one and that is something that everyone should keep in mind. Personally on the house front we bought back in 2011 and if we were planning on buying now that would be a much harder decision as housing prices continue to climb in the area we live. Especially in Canada, home ownership is valued above all else when a lot of the times it isn’t the right decision for people. Some people don’t get that and they try to keep up with others and make decisions that aren’t right for them financially. Thanks for sharing.
In Houston we are dealing with the same thing housing wise – prices are much higher than they were a few years ago and buying doesn’t necessarily feel like a home run like it might have before! Interest rates are super low, but prices are high. I’m sure it will all be a wash in the end 🙂
THIS! This is probably one of my favorite posts you’ve written so far. It goes in line with what something I tell people: Don’t drink the Kool-aid.
Don’t blindly follow what everyone else is doing because it seems like the “right” choice or the next step (financing a new car, having kids, buying a bigger house than you need, overspending, etc. etc.).
I’m very conscious about my spending. I drove the same old car I had bought as a senior in high school, all the way through college and for a while after college. I didn’t get a lavish apartment, buy a new car, upgrade to the latest iPhone, and so on.
It’s funny because like you, people have gotten crass/offended when they inquire about what I’m doing and see that it’s different from the “norm”. People call me cheap, a hipster, and so forth and I just really don’t care, haha. I’m still happy at the end of the day and doing what I want to do 🙂
Houston housing prices are going high but Spring seems to have some good options!
Glad you liked the post man! It seems like the ones I put the least research into and just angrily write do the best 🙂
I hear ya! I went out the other week and told my friend I could only get one drink. I was just giving her a heads up that was what I was doing and she said ‘You must have SOME money’ – um no actually I don’t. And I don’t really want to spend any extra on drinks anyway!
I think it’s really hard when friends/family haven’t been in a similar situation because some can find it hard to see from your perspective.
Yeah I agree, friends and family won’t always understand for sure. BTW – we started The Walking Dead and we’re HOOKED now! 🙂
I stopped being concerned about others a very long time ago. They all make fun of me telling me that “everyone has debt that’s no reason not to enjoy life”. In a few years when I’m debt free and they aren’t we’ll see what they say.
Yeah I used to get that stuff too…changes fast when all the sudden you’re debt free and not broke. 🙂
I love this post! I very much relate to living with different priorities. I don’t have a TV or new computer, rarely buy clothes, and only go out for drinks once a month or so—very different from my friend group. I am perfectly happy *not* spending hundreds (thousands? I don’t even know how much one costs!) on a TV and monthly cable bills. And since I work from home, I really don’t need to look particularly on trend or have a new wardrobe. It’s super easy to spend lots of money in every area of your life, and a lot harder to spend according to your personal priorities.
Glad you liked it! We still don’t have cable, hasn’t been an issue so far! You can get a good TV for $500 or less, just won’t be 4k resolution or whatever is out now.
Very impressive. I wish I thought like this when I graduated in 1981. Keep up the good work and good advise.
Thanks Sylvester! Much appreciated, I’ll keep it up. 🙂
Love the article once again! Love the honesty and valid points you make. Trying to keep up with your friends can be a long dangerous road. Keeping up with the jones never pays off.
Thanks so much! We stopped trying to keep up with people a while ago..it’s worked pretty well.
We are in the same boat and I often struggle with our choice to be so tight with our money. We are both under 30 with two kids and bring home 4.5k extra each month. We have been on the DR plan 1.5 yrs trying to clean up the mess we made in college of our finances. All of our friends have nice homes and drive new cars, but we live in a single wide and drive old paid for vehicles. We should be completely debt free the 1st of 2018. I enjoyed your article!! All of our friends have passed us and not that it is a race, but the tortoise always pulls ahead 😉
I know it’s hard – but you’re doing the right thing! It goes by before you know it 🙂
Great advice as usual! It can be hard to stay focused on our debt payoff goals seeing friends around us taking lavish vacations, driving (not owning) nice cars, and living in (not owning) huge houses.
It gets easier when we look at the numbers and see that by living the way we are now for a few years, we can become free from our jobs, have a paid-for house, and live the life we truly deserve for the rest of our lives.
Thanks Ryan! Yeah it definitely gets easier once you start seeing success. The first part of it sucks though haha
So here’s the thing (and this is an honest question): what’s your ultimate plan? You don’t just live below your means because it’s awesome, you do it because you’re deferring gratification to some point further on down the road. What’s that point and how do you know when you’ve reached it?
Here’s a little excerpt from another post I wrote: “But for the love of everything good in this world don’t be dumb with your money, because you WILL need it. Your spouse and kids WILL need it. It’s one of the most important gifts you can give to your family when you are gone.”
Being able to provide the tools for my wife and kids to have an awesome life after I’m gone is part of it. Another part is that I actually do enjoy living below my means, just because I have money in the bank right now. It’s pretty nice being 28 and not having to worry too much about money honestly.
The money I kept by letting everyone else pass me up is pretty good instant gratification 🙂
I really appreciate your comment about ‘laying low’ and not bragging too much about your financial goals. It seems that when people catch wind of your successes they feel that you should help bail them from their decisions. It’s hard, sometimes, to have to turn people down when you’ve watched them make poor financial decisions for YEARS…even rubbing their extravagances in your face…and then they come around asking for $$$ because they figure…well, if you’re contributing to your 401K or paying extra on your mortgage, surely you could spare a few $100s so they can afford to not take their finances seriously.
Yeah that’s definitely tough! I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t feel too sorry for people that continually put themselves in a bad spot and never seem like they are going to change the behavior.